ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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