You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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