The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
