my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
