I'm drive I can fine osifer
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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