i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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