I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
