Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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