Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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