belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
