and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
