Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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