i think i have two assholes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
