We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
