you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
