Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.