She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.