I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.