i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.