I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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