I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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