cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
