dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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