This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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