so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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