You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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