You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
