My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
