I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize