Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
