I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
