put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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