walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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