Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fuck appropriateness.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
