I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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