its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
