I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
