I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
