Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A bitchslap is in order.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
