Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.