Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.

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  (603): Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good. http://tfl.nu/mw2h
  Replies (26) Good night (6399) Bad night (607)
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  (310): View more from California

  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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  (310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen. http://tfl.nu/puzs
  Replies (27) Good night (1142) Bad night (11280)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

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  (304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later. http://tfl.nu/jthu
  Replies (19) Good night (949) Bad night (6270)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say

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  (847): better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say http://tfl.nu/y3uc
  Replies (16) Good night (3177) Bad night (1425)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?

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  (250): Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night? http://tfl.nu/nxqa
  Replies (7) Good night (3531) Bad night (978)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.

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  (410): I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me. http://tfl.nu/7cby
  Replies (3) Good night (957) Bad night (2095)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.

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  (859): And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues. http://tfl.nu/sbd6
  Replies (9) Good night (2147) Bad night (1610)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.

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  (206): I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/t4ey
  Replies (3) Good night (1177) Bad night (3134)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

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  (248): i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jhba
  Replies (16) Good night (5083) Bad night (1206)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"

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  (860): I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is" http://tfl.nu/o552
  Replies (1) Good night (1553) Bad night (763)
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  (516): View more from New York

  If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.

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  (516): If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass. http://tfl.nu/pndv
  Replies (4) Good night (572) Bad night (361)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...

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  (763): I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked... http://tfl.nu/6r3j
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (588)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.

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  (570): If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too. http://tfl.nu/6z8l
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (778)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix

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  (401): I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix http://tfl.nu/erqa
  Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (292)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.

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  (216): I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf. http://tfl.nu/h8h6
  Replies (3) Good night (296) Bad night (392)

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