Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Randomize
Follow @tfln