there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?