Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
smell my finger.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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