This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
