why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
