wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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