Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
