Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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