I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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