The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize