I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
