No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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