you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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