This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...