Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro