just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone