In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.