guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?