guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?