Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's allergic to latex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.