I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just brought a live lobster to the party.