Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage