dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
